I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
