my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
