Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
