Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
