I looked at my own cervix.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
