also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize