I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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