so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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