That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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