If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
