SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
