I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
