omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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