Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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