Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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