yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
