so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
