rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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