No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
