I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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