when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
