i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
