I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
