First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We are two peas in an std pod
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
