you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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