eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
