Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
