there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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