so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize