I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize