escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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