everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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