You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
