I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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