pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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