How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
