her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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