I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
