some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
