I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
