I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
