Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
