This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
