I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
