shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
