Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
