You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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