I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
