just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
