I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
