i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize