and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
