its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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