My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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