Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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