We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
