Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
