Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
