I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
