tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
