The maid of honor just puked.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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