My first STD was from a foam party
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
