When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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