the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
