yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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