We're facebook friends in real life
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
