drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize