I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
