she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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