i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize