Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
