A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
