note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
